No Doubt - Simple Kind of Life

My comments

For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells

I have been obsessed with you and our marriage for a long time.  I never skipped a chance to bring you up in a conversation.  How could I skip mentioning that I was married to such a beautiful woman?  A woman who used to be as crazy about me as I was of her.

I often wonder when I went from walking on shells to becoming the shells that are being stepped on.  I feel crushed with your every step away from me.

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife

The simple things.  A wife and kids.  People who want me in their life.  To be needed.  I guess that's the problem.  I feel worthless without someone that needs me.  There's something that needs fixed.  I guess I need myself.

I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, I'm hunting you down

I am so ashamed.  I see how I got to this point and tried to stop it.  I changed.  I just didn't change fast enough to keep up with how quickly you changed towards me.  Your anger and disgust towards me is a drug for you.  You didn't want to come down from the high that it gives you.  No matter what I do you just feed off of thoughts of my past discressions to keep your anger towards me red hot.  The more I try to make things right the more you feed the flames with wood from the past.  How can I fight against that?  How can I hope to fight such a fire just with my tears?  How did I hope to fight that fire with my blood?  I should have known it was hopeless.

Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

Why do I keep coming back for more?  Why did I stay around watching you drink knowing it was just going to end up with you yelling at me?  I was hoping that you would get it all out of your system and see that I was still standing there.  I told you before that I would take your anger and remain standing and waiting for you.  I failed.  I couldn't take any more.  I am weak.  I tried to shoulder your anger.  I don't know how you can hold so much of it at one time.  Your strength is truely amazing if you can shoulder that much hate towards someone.  I couldn't even hold a fraction of it before being crushed.  I am the shattered shells under my feet.

If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?

I wonder if you would love me if it all started over again.  I know I would try to make you mine again.  Even knowing what I know now I would gladly try again.  I thought we were going to try again.  What a fool I was to believe that.  Why would you ever want me again?  Were you ever mine?

I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

I sometimes wish I could be more selfish.  I know commiting suicide is a selfish act when viewed from the outside.  You all see me as being selfish in wanting to take my own life.  Understand that I dont feel it's my life.  I gave myself to my wife even before our marriage in 2000.  I placed my family first.  I am not selfish.  I commited suicide to give my wife what she wanted.  Freedom from me.  I'm sorry.  My ex-wife.  My love.